The bitterest tears ;(

Bitter tear drops fill my eyes

Tak semua yg kita rancang kita boleh dptkan....Tak semua yang kita nak boleh dptkan......Tak semua yang kita hajatkn boleh dptkan......Right now....I'm holding onto bitterness...saya tak da bahu utk dpjam.....My tears still drop...

"Meeting 9.30 pg. CEO,Director,para HODs.....as usual,my part will be last part of meeting session.....capai hp belek2 instagram,fb n bkak mail....last tergerak hati bukak portal student UM....cek exam result utk grade final thesis ari tue...mana taw dah kuar kan.....n..........mmg result dah kuar.......tgk je screen hp tu lama2......habes meeting trus duduk dkat rooftop kolej sorang2........tgk awan...tgk pokok...A Bitter Sadness....i'm crying"

Saya bkn expect something superb highest result.....n....I am not a perfectionist.....yes ...saya bersyukur..saya ikhlas....demi Allah saya bersyukur dgn result itu.....result masih ok eventhough pointer saya jatuh....dan alhamdulillah mama n abah boleh senyum dan happy utk result itu.....BUT

When I put a lot of effort, sacrificed everything,struggle,tak tdo mlm berhari2,curi2 kuar office utk jmpa supervisor,mc,stay up weekdays kat UM library until 12 mlm,rushing here rushing there ..end up.....erm....saya menerimanya dgn hati yang terbuka......saya bersyukur...cuma as normal human being...bila tgk balik result ......saya fikir 1 perkara.....apa yg saya pkir dan kenangkan tu membunuh emosi saya sendiri........and.....i'm crying. 

Jangan tanya saya kenapa .... mengapa......dan apa........saya hanya akan diam......dan akan trus diam....sebab kalau saya fikirkan kembali .... ianya akan buat saya bertambah sedih. 

Saya mengaku saya org yg cpt gelak.......even lawak x seberapa pun saya boleh gelak.....tp....on my other side.....saya org yg plg cpt menangis....sgt cpt nangis.

"I am a strong girl who keeps her stuff in line. Even when I have tears going down on my face, I always manage to say those 2 words: I'm fine ! " ------- Insyaallah.

Shida....lets put aside.

Insyallah dlm awal bln 10 convo :)